Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
