How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
