You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
