she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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