He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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