I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize