the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
