I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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