The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
