Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
