help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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