Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
