Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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