I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
