I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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