if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just high enough for therapy.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Randomize
