Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
