Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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