i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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