i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
