The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
