Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
