It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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