that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
