Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
