I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
