the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
