i can't believe i had my finger in that
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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