Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
