About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize