matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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