I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
