she was so not down for the gang bang
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
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thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
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YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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