If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
