am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
