I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
