Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
