She said her name was "party"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
