Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
