i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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