Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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