I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
