this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
