just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
