I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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