the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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