if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
