I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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