she sounds like chewbacca in bed
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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