ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
