I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
But theres a keg here and me gusta
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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