Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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