i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We need to get me chipped asap
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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