i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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