someone get that fucking seahorse.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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