dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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