dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
