Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
