hotel room ftw
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
