You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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