and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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