So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
There's always time for handjobs
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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