guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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