having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
