Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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