who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
