love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I fill condoms, not promises.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
