She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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