the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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