im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
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