I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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