I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
