My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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