Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
