You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
